I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
