just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
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There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
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He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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