I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize