The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
