i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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