Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
