does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
