i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
