just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
