just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
