You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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