just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
