i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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