No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
