So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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