Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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