well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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