Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
