He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
