he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
