I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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