It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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