Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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