Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
