I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just want nice things and good sex
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
