Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
