That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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