Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
