wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
