im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
