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So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
