dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
