Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
