Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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