im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Princesses don't give blow jobs
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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