I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
