im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize