How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
