i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
