OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
