...so i touched it.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
