I am spending my child support on dildos
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
We need a shit load of segways right now
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
