Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
