I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
