She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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