Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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