wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
it glows. i had to have it.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
