Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
