I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
