Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
