I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
