I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
