That's intense
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
