"it" just moved
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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