Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
