Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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