Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
