uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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