We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
