New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
