STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
