omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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