We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
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If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
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It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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