And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
