Im at strip club and am horny
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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