is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
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