please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
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You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
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I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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