You don't have asthma, your pregnant
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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