wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
