can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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