He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
