I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
