He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
