Sponge bath it is.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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